** Particular post was written in a pretty doleful mode on October 13th @ 2006

Past few days had been difficult for me and past few hours absolutely gruesome as I tried to come in terms with my atrocious college results, which could very well signify end of many of my corporate dreams before it could even take its 1st step. Don’t really mean to sound like a whipped dog at the moment, but somehow couldn’t help acting like one, which in turn is my primary concern for the moment. Why do I feel so lost?? Its not like I had never actually faced the same situation previously in my life or neither is the same dilemma all mine when I share the fate of many of my co students, but then why do I find letting go of this fact that things happened and now it’s time to move on and savor the future, so hard to accept. May be it is because this was the 1st time in my life when I really wanted to perform not because others wanted me to , but because I wanted to prove myself to me and needless to say I have failed miserably. I have let myself down and in relation to which there are whole series of people whom I have denied that well deserved smile which was related to my happiness. Where did I go wrong?? May be it’s the fault of my esteemed institution ( Pun Intended ) or maybe I am not intelligent enough to make it out there. I have lost belief in myself. I knew I can go the distance, its just that I cant make myself to believe that there is something better waiting for me academically. Days subsequent to my results I have spent a considerable amount of time in self pity and in a silent state of mourning. Being branded as the class or may be the batch dope doesn’t really go easy with ones belief and mine is pretty much shaken up at the moment. I don’t really ask for much , never had actually asked for much all my life anyway. All I want is a some peace and some self belief and a chance to give a shape to all my dreams and aspirations so that I can give it a pristine reality . I pray and I pray and I pray that this mistake of mine doesn’t cost me my whole future because if it does, I might not survive. ( Sorry the whipped dog syndrome is still kicking in).